After an amazing show at the Shoreline, my favorite local band received a message from a certain summamabitch who, through the careful searching of tags on this site, can be determined easily.
Here is what he sent:
Wow pretty cool how you guys won Bone Bash, guess it pays to suck corporate dick instead of grinding it out in the bars like the rest of us. Nice how it all got swept under the rug, hope you can sleep at night.
Ciao Mike
So this is what we (Jeremy, Wheeler, and I) worked up to send back:
Wow, you are quite articulate for a no-talent hack. We've heard your shit, and to be honest, the people at these bars you are "grinding it out in," probably are not there to hear your weak ass brand of derivative down-homey schlock, they are there to get drunk, which, coincidentally, is the only way to tolerate such uninventive shit. We actually CREATE music. Over 3 years we have self produced 2 EPs with tracks for an LP already laid down. We have played venues from 15 to now 2000 people. Your assertion that we haven't paid our dues is a little bullshit... Compensation in this business depends on skill. Apparently our skills paid our dues off a little more quickly than yours...At your age we thought you'd be paying into your 401k, not paying off your street cred cards.Here is a link to this lame ass band: www.myspace.com/fogcityswampers
As for sucking corporate cock, we love it; give it a try. We do it all the time, except replace "sucking" with "playing music for" and "corporate cock" with "fans who matter." You are lucky that your lead vocalist even puts up with your weak sauce anymore; she is the only one with any talent, and could probably draw crowds with the rest of the band muted. She works just fine for small shitty bars, but she can't really fill the stage at shoreline, hell, we barely could. In Rock, you do get points for trying. The radio play we have received before and after the show seems to point at a greater audience for us than for you dinosaurs, so I hope that we did the venue justice. As for how we sleep at night, we feel great, we played the FUCKING SHORELINE, and yes it was awesome. We don't know what was more awesome though: playing in front of 2000 people on the MAINSTAGE, the all access passes with all you could drink beer and catered food, the bottle of Cabo Wabo that Sammy Hagar sent to our dressing room, the fact that our women still have tight asses and firm tits, or the fact that at the same time, we swept some dirty, lying-ass cheaters under the rug. Would you rather we had have swept you up and thrown you out in the trash? At least you could have been cozy with the rest of your fans.
By the way, could you get us in contact with your promoter, and by promoter, we mean the guy who wrote that voting script for y'all (that's oakie, redneck, hick jargon; sure you'll understand)? We've realized that it must be much easier to cheat your way to success than to actually earn it by "grinding it out" with hard work and skillful promotion. We have recently positioned ourselves in a couple of contests where we're worried we won't win. If we get as poor a showing as you did, with only 1% of real votes, It'd be nice to have some padding. Don't quit your day jobs just yet (even if you are eligible for Social Security).
Ciao Douchebag,
Full On Flyhead