The Parallel Skew

My unknown, false-relative Rita Roth's new baby. Thanks for the Pic!

Just check this out and expand on libertyhemp. I go by the pseudonym, JordanRoth:

http://current.com/items/88820287_keyhole_table

Wow pretty cool how you guys won Bone Bash, guess it pays to suck corporate dick instead of grinding it out in the bars like the rest of us. Nice how it all got swept under the rug, hope you can sleep at night.

Ciao Mike

Wow, you are quite articulate for a no-talent hack. We've heard your shit, and to be honest, the people at these bars you are "grinding it out in," probably are not there to hear your weak ass brand of derivative down-homey schlock, they are there to get drunk, which, coincidentally, is the only way to tolerate such uninventive shit. We actually CREATE music. Over 3 years we have self produced 2 EPs with tracks for an LP already laid down. We have played venues from 15 to now 2000 people. Your assertion that we haven't paid our dues is a little bullshit... Compensation in this business depends on skill. Apparently our skills paid our dues off a little more quickly than yours...At your age we thought you'd be paying into your 401k, not paying off your street cred cards.
As for sucking corporate cock, we love it; give it a try. We do it all the time, except replace "sucking" with "playing music for" and "corporate cock" with "fans who matter." You are lucky that your lead vocalist even puts up with your weak sauce anymore; she is the only one with any talent, and could probably draw crowds with the rest of the band muted. She works just fine for small shitty bars, but she can't really fill the stage at shoreline, hell, we barely could. In Rock, you do get points for trying. The radio play we have received before and after the show seems to point at a greater audience for us than for you dinosaurs, so I hope that we did the venue justice. As for how we sleep at night, we feel great, we played the FUCKING SHORELINE, and yes it was awesome. We don't know what was more awesome though: playing in front of 2000 people on the MAINSTAGE, the all access passes with all you could drink beer and catered food, the bottle of Cabo Wabo that Sammy Hagar sent to our dressing room, the fact that our women still have tight asses and firm tits, or the fact that at the same time, we swept some dirty, lying-ass cheaters under the rug. Would you rather we had have swept you up and thrown you out in the trash? At least you could have been cozy with the rest of your fans.
By the way, could you get us in contact with your promoter, and by promoter, we mean the guy who wrote that voting script for y'all (that's oakie, redneck, hick jargon; sure you'll understand)? We've realized that it must be much easier to cheat your way to success than to actually earn it by "grinding it out" with hard work and skillful promotion. We have recently positioned ourselves in a couple of contests where we're worried we won't win. If we get as poor a showing as you did, with only 1% of real votes, It'd be nice to have some padding. Don't quit your day jobs just yet (even if you are eligible for Social Security).

Ciao Douchebag,

Full On Flyhead

Here is a quick story:

About a year ago, when apartment hunting, we came across a cheap stand alone 3+ br on craigslist. We loved it. It had its issues, but hey, no biggie.

When we went in to sign the lease, I made the mistake of reading it. There was language in there that basically said: If any appliance breaks, it is your responsibility to get it fixed.

Golf Alpha Yankee

Anywho... they were indignant that we had a problem with the contract and with our insistence that they fix the not to code kitchen (gas range, no fume hood)

needless to say, negotiations fell through.

in the weak 21st century revenge I am so keen on taking, I yelped them.

06/18/2007

I think finding an apartment in San Francisco is hard enough, but Makras shattered my previously formed concepts of ineptitude, dishonesty, and sheer laziness.

I and my two friends were excited about a "Huge 3 bedroom" apartment in the USF area. I wont give the address, but let's just say that it rhymes with...718 Barguello. When we went in to sign the lease. The property's agent, Judith, became indignant when we began questioning terms in their standard lease which kept them from ever having to fix anything. Being that the kitchen was a fire waiting to happen and the appliances were all circa the American revolution, it seemed like something we may want to discuss.
F'ing Crooks. Judith spat, "nobody has EVER had a problem with this lease...I have never spent 2 hours on a lease!" this was after minute 31 of discussing things ALREADY BROKEN in the spot. She obviously is not a student of the ancient art of clock reading.

She shuffled our papers, flipped through them and then kicked us out after one of my potential roommates could not produce the backside of the check copies his boss provided. The next day, he faxed them in, and was subsequently called a liar for not having all the info for them in the first place.

Victor Makras, King douche of the criminal empire that is Makras Realty, is well connected. He has scores of plaques and certificates in his meeting room which together amount to "Feminine Hygene Product of the decade." Apparently in the eighties, he lost out to Regan for that award. Victor rudely insulted the honor of the group. Victor did not have the common decency to call us when he denied our agreement and reposted the listing. Victor will pay for his crimes in this life or the next.

First a few warnings from previous experience:

• Do not rent from Makras unless you have a lawyer on a leash tied to the parking meter outside ready to rush inside and rip your agents jugular out with his gold nib fountain pen
• Do not rent from Makras unless you can afford to waste hours of your life with no expectation of ever getting them back
• Do not rent from Makras unless enjoy being forcibly raped with a rental agreement
• Lastly, Do not rent from Makras if you can read English.

Update 1/16/08
Call me crazy. Either Vic Makras has made a New Year's Resolution to stop being an exploitative, soul-stealing, bag of dicks, or he has enlisted cronies to bump the yelp rating up. Why are there 5 star reviews all of a sudden? Hmmmm. I hope the former is the case, but I fear that it is the latter. Happy hunting, just don't shot in the face by Vic.

As an April Fools joke I pranked tim. I put up a Craigslist ad and put his number down as the contact number. Here is the ad:

There is more, but it is too confusing to get into the intricacies of.

My lawyer has prepared this post:

I found these two seemingly similar Craigslist Casual Encounters ads. After some research I discovered that these are two members of a band who totally coincidentally cheated in a competition with Flyhead.

Here are the two ads:

Crazy Huh? Because she did play a show at La Barca... I know. Insane. What freaks!